


Give Her a Reason

by orangeiguanas4



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Drama, F/F, Headcanon, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:35:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2000508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeiguanas4/pseuds/orangeiguanas4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alison is alive and back in Rosewood. Emily has to confront feelings that she has suppressed for longer than she can remember. Based on episode 5x05 and the fact that I needed to write something following that epic kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She’ll tell you secrets,  
You’ll tell her secrets too.  
-Echosmith, “Tell Her You Love Her”

Their friends act like they’re glad that Alison is back home, safe and sound, in Rosewood. However, Emily has spent enough time with Aria, Hanna, and Spencer in Ali’s absence to know that they’re weary at best that Ali being home is good news. She sees how Aria dodges Ali’s phone calls, how Spencer’s bedroom curtains are always closed tightly, how Hanna always has a million excuses for why she can’t come over.

To be honest, she’s not sure she’s happy about it either.

It hurts to have Alison here, floating right in front of her face, but still always slightly out of reach. Alison is a prize that she never got to keep, a trophy she only got to admire closely on occasion. Alison is the pinnacle of her life, yet so far removed that Emily no longer knows how to make her fit.

Yet she answers Alison’s pleas for company, showing up at the DiLaurentis house every time Alison asks her to. She’s got the free time anyway, with no swim practice and the lack of trying to hunt down A every waking moment of the day. And Alison always thanks her a million times for being there, which just twists her hold on Emily’s heart a little bit tighter every time.

Emily tries to avoid the touches, the way Alison always seems to be reaching to pull her closer. Being close to Alison has never brought anything more than pain. Even if Ali seems different - and she really, really does - Emily can’t help but want to keep herself from falling down that hole again. It’s been years. Years of Alison toying with her emotions, sharing secret, intimate moments before reminding her exactly where she stands. Years of Alison being fucking missing and of mourning the death of her best friend, her first love.

Alison is her Achilles’ heel, and all she can do is try to keep her suit of armor on to protect her weaknesses.

It’s hard to keep Alison out when she sees her every day. Alison has this sad smile and contemplative look that makes Emily uneasy. Gone is the glint in her eye, where Emily knew Alison had something up her sleeve. She’s not vindictive or explosive. Honestly, Emily isn’t even sure that it’s the same Alison that disappeared that night years ago.

~!~!~!~

Despite the warnings Emily passes on - oddly enough, from Paige of all people - Alison is insistent that she needs to return to Rosewood High. Just the idea of seeing Alison striding along the hallways is enough to give Emily chills.

Yet, when the morning arrives, the four of them are there, standing like obedient puppies awaiting the return of their master. All eyes are on them - though, that’s something Emily got used to a long time ago - as Alison strides towards them. Her heart is in her throat at just watching Alison having to navigate the crowd that she can’t imagine what Alison could possibly be feeling.

Alison almost seems timid. Even in their most intimate moments, hidden between stacks of books, Alison was never timid. It’s unnerving, seeing a whole new person tucked inside the shell of Alison’s body. Part of her can’t stop waiting for the other shoe to fall. At some point, things will have to snap back into place.

It feels like the first day back to school after Alison’s disappearance all over again, only this time the five of them are huddled close together as they walk down the hallway. They don’t speak; they just stride along in time with one another, staring straight ahead and avoiding the eyes of so many onlookers. 

Alison needs to go to the guidance counselor before she can be readmitted and enrolled in classes - she’s two years behind at this point - but she looks like a deer caught in the headlights. It’s the least Emily can do to walk Alison to the guidance office. It’s not fun being gawked at and Alison’s name is being whispered all around them as they pass. She’s never stopped being the talk of the town, though Emily thinks that for the first time, Alison actually wishes that she wasn’t being talked about.

She hesitates outside of the guidance office even though the warning bell already rang and she’s definitely going to be late to chem lab. She doesn’t have the words to make it better for Ali, but she wishes there was something she could say that would take away how awful this day must be for her.

The days used to be easier when she could just wrap Alison in a hug without worrying about what it meant. Last time she was in these halls with Alison, her feelings for Alison were a dirty little secret, hidden far behind her public persona. She had a boyfriend, she had the swim team, and she had Alison as her best friend.

“So, I’ll see you for lunch?” It comes out more awkwardly than she planned, but Alison seems to understand.

“Of course, Em. Thanks again for walking with me, you didn’t have to do that.” Emily allows herself a tiny smile before she turns her back to Alison and hightails it to chemistry.

~!~!~!~

Ali is still stuck with her guidance counselor by lunch, but the whispers about her still fly past their lunch table constantly for the whole period. It’s all Emily can do to block it out with Hanna chattering on beside her, wondering what’s going on with Aria. She’s relieved when the bell finally sends them off to their afternoon classes; at least when there are teachers around, people can’t speak Ali’s name out loud right next to her.

~!~!~!~

Emily ends up in the locker room after swim practice, talking to Sydney. The girl is overly friendly, and Emily suspects that Sydney is sort of flirting with her, even though she’s already made it clear that she’s not interested in anything more than friendship. Yet, the attention is sweet and kind of endearing, which is how Emily finds herself agreeing to go to some lame Frozen sing-along that night despite her aversion to anything being run by the glee club.

Paige is by her locker, even though Emily was sure that she hadn’t been in her classes all day. It was enough to get Paige reprimanded if reported, but Emily knows it’s about Ali. Everybody is struggling with her return, but she’s not surprised that it seems harder for those whom Ali tortured relentlessly before.

To be honest, Emily isn’t even sure how Paige could have fallen in love with her, knowing that Emily had been so close to Alison before she disappeared. Didn’t it speak volumes to her own character that she had chosen to be best friends with a girl that was so cruel?

Emily has spent years trying to wrap her own head around the concept that somehow she could be innately good while loving someone as poisonous as Alison. How was it that she could feel so innocent when the accident with Jenna was on all of them? She had been a willing player in so many of Alison’s twisted games, a bystander and observer to so many of Alison’s ill-intended remarks. She was no better than Alison, yet Paige seemed to think that somehow Emily was different from her vile best friend.

Some part of Emily still feels the need to protect Paige from Alison. It’s silly, considering that Alison has seemingly emerged from her cocoon as a genuinely better person, but Emily isn’t ready to put all of her trust in Alison quite yet.

It’s no surprise that Paige would rather skip school than have to listen to the whole school beginning to realign the high school solar system so that Alison is back to being the sun. Emily gets that feeling, the overwhelming anxiety of having someone near you that has the ability to completely destroy you after you’ve worked so hard to grow. She felt it in the moment that she found out for certain that Alison was still alive. It came again when she got to feel Alison hug her again, the smell of her perfume the same after so long. Alison has that effect on people, even the ones who loved her.

~!~!~!~

She gets Alison’s obsessive need with wanting to make amends; the girl has spent the better part of what should have been her careless high school years running from her enemies. However, bringing Paige into her house and forcing them to talk - though motivated by Alison’s pleas to help her make things right - seems doomed from the start. Paige is still angry, and Emily can’t blame her. All things considered, she’s sure that Paige sees the correlation of Alison’s return into Emily’s life with their own breakup. Yet, she’s determined to maintain her friendship with both of them, even though it’s clear that Paige isn’t here to accept Alison’s seemingly heartfelt apologies.

Paige heads downstairs to call her mom before they take off for the Frozen sing-along, but Emily lingers upstairs with Ali. Their conversation is awkward at best and it’s obvious that Ali feels like Emily is picking Paige over her. It’s too painful to try and explain to Ali that she’d rather spend all of her time with just the two of them, catching up on all the hours they missed when Ali wasn’t here.

But she made Ali the center of her universe before, and all that brought was heartbreak and grief. She can’t do it to herself again.

“Em? When I was talking to Paige, I realized that I owe you an apology too. I always made you think that your feelings for me were totally one-sided.” Emily freezes in her doorway. Ali knows how to hit her weaknesses every time. She doesn’t want Emily to leave with Paige, so she tries to throw her a bone.

It takes all of Emily’s energy to keep her guard up, even though it’s exactly what she’s dreamed of hearing for so long.

“That wasn’t true. Those kisses weren’t just meant for practice.” Ali looks so genuine, her gates torn open like she’s finally, finally willing to let Emily inside.

And Emily wants to trust her, she does. But Alison only decided to bring this up when Emily was leaving with Paige instead. She’s lonely and scared, being back in Rosewood, and Emily gets it. But she also doesn’t want to be something that Ali uses to patch up her hardships.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Emily tells her honestly. It’s painful to keep herself rooted to the spot, instead of moving closer to Alison, begging to know if Alison has thought about her and their paradise future in France as much as she has in her absence.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Alison tells her. It’s meant to be a reassurance, but it doesn’t feel like it given her history with Alison.

“Why are you telling me this now?” Emily questions. Alison is too careful, too deliberate to just start spilling her feelings like this. There’s always a catch or an obstacle that keeps Alison close, while still giving her the space to do whatever shady things Alison has always done.

“I just thought you should know.”

Emily doesn’t know why she thought she’d get a real response from Alison. It’s a cop out at best, not a real declaration of feelings that probably have faded away in all of the time they’ve spent apart.

In the end, she convinces herself to go to the Frozen sing-along, albeit half-heartedly. The whole time she’s humming along beside Sydney and Paige, it’s Ali that’s on her mind.

~!~!~!~

It figures that leaving Alison all alone would come back to bite her in the ass. Shauna might be dead, A might actually be out of their lives once and for all, yet Emily can’t help but feel like it’s just a matter of time before the other shoe drops.

Mona might be a major bitch and manipulative beyond Emily’s wildest imagination, but on her own, she has nothing on A. She might try to scare Alison into submission - after all, Mona has worked so hard to finally be on top at Rosewood High - but it’s not like she alone has the power to make Alison disappear again.

Either way, Alison is visibly shaken up from the encounter. There’s no plotting for revenge, no schemes for making Mona fall right back down the social ladder to where she was last time Alison ruled the hallways of Rosewood. In fact, Alison looks downright scared.

Her guilt over leaving Alison in her room to go with Paige and Sydney is enough to call her mom to see if she can sleep over so that Alison doesn’t have to spend the night alone. Alison had asked all of them - well, Hanna was MIA to begin with - but Aria and Spencer had excuses within seconds.

“You probably don’t remember what I told you when I pulled you out of that barn,” Alison says quietly, busying herself with hanging up some clothes.

The sinking weight falls into the pit of Emily’s stomach. Those words have haunted her constantly since that fateful night. Alison was still a dream, an illusion that had come to her due to exposure to smoke or something.

“I remember every word,” she tells Alison, fighting against the lump that has settled in her throat. “I don’t know what’s real, and what I made up.”

It’s the first time she’s admitted to Alison that she’s thought about her well beyond their small interactions over the past few months, since finding out she was still alive. The admission comes with an increased pounding in her chest.

Once that’s out, she can’t help herself. There’s so much she wants to know about Alison’s side, all of the things Emily has missed due to focusing on the constant threat of A looming above them.

“You said you missed me the most.”

It’s the one thing that she hopes - and believes beyond reason - that Alison actually said that night at the barn. If the conversation they briefly had in her room earlier is any measure by which to judge, Emily believes that it could be true.

“You were the hardest one to leave behind.” There’s something about Alison’s tone, soft and so fucking genuine, that makes Emily want to reach for her hand and tangle their fingers together, hoping that in some way it’ll help her from ever losing Alison again.

So she ends up in clothes of Alison’s tucked into Alison’s bed in her childhood bedroom that still looks exactly like it did when Alison had disappeared. Mrs. DiLaurentis was a little bit crazy about keeping it as a creepy relic, and Alison has outgrown the decor. She’s more sophisticated now, like what she has seen in the world forced her to grow up faster than any teenager should have to. Nothing about it looks like the new Alison that has returned to them, but the linens smell like Alison’s perfume, which hasn’t changed at all.

Emily breathes in the scent on the pillowcase, exhaling with a sigh. Alison is stiff beside her, curled onto her side and facing the window. She tries to go to sleep, but it’s so hard to relax when Alison is so close to her, even with the space between their bodies in the queen sized bed. There was a time that she knew exactly how deeply Alison was sleeping just by listening to her breaths, or by watching her back slowly rise and fall.

All of it is so unfamiliar now.

Part of it still feels like a dream - having Alison back in her life so suddenly to such an intense degree. Before she used to have to fight for alone time with Ali, stealing her away for short stints from the other girls, hoping that maybe it would be a chance to relive that kiss in the library. Now, it feels like Alison might actually be her equal, like she might fight for Emily’s attention as much as Emily had done before.

“Ali?” She swallows. “Are you asleep?”

The words hang thickly in the air. She sees the way Ali’s shoulder muscles tense, and she knows that Ali is awake. She won’t call her out on it - if Alison needs to be alone with her thoughts, Emily will give her that space. 

She’s about to shut her eyes and force herself into sleeping when the blankets rustle and Alison rolls over to face her.

Emily can’t help but notice how beautiful Alison is, moonlight streaming down on her, her blonde hair glimmering despite the dimness. Alison doesn’t speak. What is there to say? There’s too much and too little simultaneously. They are at a stalemate, both of them with no words left to help figure out this new dynamic blossoming between them while the old wounds fester underneath.

Alison gazes at her intently, in a way that Emily is sure she’s only dreamed about.

How could it be that after so long, Alison can still make her feel so damn much?

She doesn’t trust Alison. But she wants to. She really wants to believe that Alison has change and that things can somehow be different. Shauna is gone, and she’s supposed to be enjoying her senior year, living with no regrets.

She kisses Alison before her brain can even process that it might not be a good idea. Alison kisses her back, tentatively, like she’s giving Emily a chance to stop, to pull away from something that is such a bad idea when she’s not even sure if they’re true friends anymore. But she can’t pull away because this is Alison, the girl she has spent too many nights imagining beside her, the girl she prayed would somehow find her way back into her life to explain why she had to leave in the first place.

She doesn’t trust Alison, but she can’t help but trust her heart.

~!~!~!~

It should be of no surprise to find out that Ali has been deceitful yet again. Maybe it’s that Emily – and the others, for that matter – wanted to hope that things were actually going to be different. Yet, they’re back to being pawns in Alison’s games.

She knows that her friends are pissed at Alison too - but she doesn’t think it could possibly sting them as deeply as what she’s feeling right now.

Emily’s pretty sure she failed her Calculus quiz - she had skipped studying to stay at Ali’s last night. Plus, her mind is still lingering on the way Alison’s bare skin had felt against hers. This time when she kissed Alison’s shoulder, there was a sigh rather than a snide remark. Alison had whispered against her skin, reminding Emily of how much she had missed her, how much she hated having to lie to her for so long.

As usual, Alison just sweet talks to get whatever the hell she wants, not caring who she destroys in the process. Unlike Paige, however, Emily refuses to avoid Alison. She holds her head high in the hallway, acting like it doesn’t matter that Alison has proven that she’s exactly the same person that she was before. They were friends back then; nobody in this school will blink an eye if they continue to stay by Alison’s side.

~!~!~!~

Emily is way behind on her homework, but she can’t concentrate on anything these days. Alison being back in Rosewood is affecting everything. Her books lay untouched and she flips through the TV channels instead. Her mother isn’t hovering for once, which is a nice change. Her bedroom has felt like an interrogation room as of late.

She stares at the screen, though her mind is far away from the characters. Senior year is creeping by slowly. Everybody else can worry about college decisions and new roommates. Not her. Not her friends. Their four years of high school have left too much of a scar to just walk away from. And if there’s anything she’s learned from Ali, it’s that you can run but you can’t hide.

Footsteps echo from the staircase, and Emily dives for her chemistry notes to at least pretend like she’s busy. Her mom is less likely to ask her a million questions if she thinks Emily is studying.

She’s absorbed in staring at her scribbled notes on limiting reagents and pretending to care to look up at the figure lingering in the doorway. When her mom doesn’t walk away after a minute of being ignored, she can’t help but sneak a glance. Standing there in all her impeccable beauty is Alison.

“Can I come in?” Emily just shrugs at her noncommittally. “Your mom let me in. I hope it’s okay that I came over without calling first.”

Of course it’s not okay. Alison is manipulative, and Emily has no doubt that her feelings for Alison are one of Alison’s favorite things to manipulate in her twisted little world. She made her feel like she could actually love her when they were tangled up together in Alison’s bed. There had been no need for words; she knew Alison could tell just how much she felt just by the strength of her kisses.

“Em, I know I screwed up.” Emily stares at the TV again, willing herself to maintain her resolve. Alison hasn’t earned her forgiveness, especially after it took her less than 24 hours to destroy her trust. “Em, will you look at me? Please?”

Emily gives her a quick side-eye. She’s completely sure that Alison can see how angry she is just from that small glance.

“Why wouldn’t you just tell us the truth? You know, it’s so much easier than lying.” The words taste horrible on her tongue, and she can see Alison wince slightly at the severity and coldness in her tone. 

She’s not sure why she even asks Alison these questions; all of Ali's answers are guaranteed to get twisted into the perfect little responses that has Emily letting down her barriers again. Alison doesn’t deserve to get back inside.

“I didn’t tell you everything because I was afraid I’d lose you,” Alison tells her, eyes pleading for Emily to believe her. “Please?”

Ali’s hand comes up to Emily’s cheek, her fingers softly caressing her skin. Chills run down Emily’s spine. It’s an instant reminder to last night with the way Ali’s touch ignites her every nerve. But this time, it’s following with the taste of bile. Ali leans in towards her.

She shoots up from her seat and is across the room before Ali can protest. Her cheek burns from where Ali’s warm fingers had been only seconds prior.

“That’s not going to fix this,” Emily tells her, anger boiling beneath the surface.

Alison looks stunned; she’s not used to Emily ever turning away even the slightest tokens of her affection. Emily’s heart throbs against her sternum, on the verge of breaking altogether. She hates the kind of power Alison has over her, how her emotions run wild by the simplest acknowledgement from Ali that this is more than the rekindling of a lost friendship.

But Alison has already proven today that she’s incapable of changing into the person that Emily needs her to be. So she starts to walk out of the room, needing to be somewhere that she can actually breathe, because that’s impossible to do with how suffocating Ali’s presence in her bedroom is.

The mention of Ali’s name from the reporter on TV stops her in her tracks. Ali looks like a ghost with how fast the color drained from her face. Ali gapes at the TV, waiting for the full story. 

Emily texts an S.O.S. message to the other girls, telling them to come over immediately. They settle in her living room, Ali close to her on the couch. Spencer and Toby appear in barely two minutes; they were just around the corner. Aria shows up with Ezra in tow, but Emily misses the dirty look that Spencer shoots his way. She keeps her mouth shut; this is not the time nor place to address the fact that Aria is apparently spending a lot of time with him again. Hanna rushes in just as the broadcast starts with Caleb. 

There’s no time for questions as to why he’s suddenly back in town or why Hanna is drinking yet again on a school night, this time with a guy that is most definitely not her boyfriend.

Alison reaches for her hand as the police sergeant walks towards the podium on the screen. She laces her fingers through Ali’s purely on instinct, her thumb stroking softly in a tiny attempt to soothe her.

After all this time, they finally know the identity of the girl that was buried in Alison’s backyard. The mystery that has been plaguing them since the moment they realized it wasn’t Ali’s body that was found is finally resolved. For one short moment, Emily thinks that the rest of senior year could actually be a time where all the loose ends finally get tied up neatly, letting them leave town with nothing hanging over their heads as they head to college.

It’s as if some other force knows that she feels at ease for the first time in her recent memory. The explosion is loud; they all turn swiftly to look out the window before flying out the front door and spilling onto Emily’s front lawn.

Toby’s house is engulfed in flames from the explosion. He goes off running, Spencer yelling from behind him. The dread settles back down on her shoulders. They’ve been through too much to think that this is some freak accident.

And like clockwork, the text message comes as they stand in a group in front of Toby’s house.

A isn’t gone.

Which means Ali still isn’t safe.

It’s mostly her fault that Alison is back in Rosewood, out in the open. A doesn’t miss, and Emily doesn’t doubt for a second that this was just a warning shot. Ali will be next.

Emily knows that she has no choice. She’ll do anything she needs to in order to protect Ali, even if it means putting her own life on the line.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: This is my first dive into PLL fanfic and I appreciate the support I’ve gotten thus far from this story. I tend to write in order to fix canon or to fill in the gaps, which is what caused this story to emerge. I’m not sure if I’m going to stick with canon based on how the past few episodes have played out (our poor Emison hearts!), but for now it is following that trajectory. Thank you so, so much for reading/commenting/giving kudos/etc.

The message stuns all of them, but Emily recognizes sheer terror in Alison’s eyes. She wants to hold her, to protect her from it all.

Sirens start blaring in the distance, growing louder as they rush towards the Cavanaugh house. Ali slips her hand into Emily’s and Emily curls her fingers instinctively around Ali’s, cupping them in her palm.

Emily directs the whole group of them back into her house so they’re out of the way when the fire trucks pull up. Caleb stays, shouting for Toby and looking like he’s ready to run through the fiery ruins to help. Ezra takes off in his car instead of joining them - Emily isn’t sure why he was here with Aria in the first place, considering they’re no longer together.

They end up in Emily’s room, away from the mess of broken glass that litters the living room floor. Mrs. Fields is making phone calls already to their home insurance agent to get it replaced for the second time this year.

She’s silent as Spencer finally gets Toby on the phone. He’s okay, but they’re at the hospital. Apparently his dad broke his leg. Caleb is with him, and they can all sigh with the tiniest bit of relief.

Immediately, speculation turns onto Shana and who could possibly be A. It’s a conversation that Emily is so tired of having. The cramps of worry creep through her abdomen, reminding her that this fear still has such a tight hold on her.

It’s irrational, she knows. Hanna is right in that A - or at least someone looking to take over for A - is still lurking, having just waited for the perfect moment to resurface.

Emily just wants this nightmare to end, once and for all. But telling the cops everything that has happened to all of them over the past two years means admitting that Alison lied about being kidnapped. And A has never struggled to take down those who knew too much, who got too close to solving the everlasting mystery. If Emily tells all, she’s guaranteed to be the next target. Even worse, she’ll make Ali a target in more ways than one.

So she’s stuck in this black hole filled with fear and worry.

~!~!~!~

As always, they still have to go through the motions like they have nothing more than teenage angst to battle with. Emily sits through her morning classes, willing them to go faster because her mind is anywhere but school. It’s a miracle her grades haven’t slipped much since Ali’s return considering how little time she’s had for studying lately.

Lunch is a welcome distraction, even though her whole body is still on edge, jumping at every little sound out of the ordinary. The tension between Spencer and Aria is palpable when she reaches the table. Everybody seems on edge - Hanna is most definitely not herself either - and Emily’s not sure if it’s because of last night’s events or just the overwhelming presence of Alison being back in their lives full time.

She hasn’t even started eating when the message comes through on Alison’s phone. They crowd around the screen, gasping at the graphic nature of the video clip. As if it’s not bad enough that Alison has lost her mother to this monster that has tortured them all for years, she now has to relive it.

Eyes seem constantly fixated on their table, so there’s no chance to really discuss the video. Alison’s nervous energy radiates from her, but Emily does nothing. It’s obvious that Hanna has picked up on the fact that something might be going on between the two of them, and it’s nothing that Emily is nearly ready to address, even with her closest friends. They all have way too much on their plates; admitting that she and Alison aren’t strictly friends - though Emily has no idea what she’d define them these days - is definitely not on the agenda any time soon.

The bell rings to send them off to their afternoon classes, and Emily takes off with Spencer after they all agree to meet at Hanna’s after school. She’s a little calmer without Alison glued to her side, but Spencer is too busy speed reading from the book in her hands to engage in any sort of conversation. Emily doesn’t mind; it’s better that someone doesn’t take the time to question her. What can she say? That she doesn’t want to erase the horror of the past two years because it gave her back a version of Alison that tells her all of the things she had been dying to hear for so long? The admissions of her own confusion on top of everything else are destined to change the dynamics and she’s definitely not willing to let that happen, not with A creeping around Rosewood again.

~!~!~!~

It’s obvious that all of her friends have had the same haunting thoughts since last night. If A isn’t gone, then they need to figure out who it is.

Ali is panicked - she only returned to town under the assumption that A was finally gone and she’d be safe. Now the whole world knows that she’s alive and that some other girl was buried in her place. There’s nowhere to hide, no matter how far she goes. Rosewood might not be safe, but no place else is either.

Emily tries to convince her to stay, but it’s obvious that her arguments aren’t being heard. Alison is determined to get out of Rosewood, to find a way to get away from it all.

Emily doesn’t bother reminding her that at some point, every single one of them have had their lives on the line. Sure, Alison might not be safe in Rosewood, but none of them are. She’s lost count over the amount of people that have died since Alison disappeared. She can’t recall how many times Aria, Spencer, Hanna, and herself have been in terrible danger as they try to figure out what happened to Alison. Not a day has gone by that they’re not being watched, stalked, or attacked.

At this point, it’s best if they all just stay together. There’s strength in numbers; they can protect one another if they’re all in Rosewood.

Ali doesn’t seem convinced. Emily wonders if she wants her to stay for all of the wrong reasons.

~!~!~!~

The only way to get Alison to stay is to at least get a lead on who could possibly want Alison dead.

Paige’s warning rings clear, and Emily knows that she needs to find out who Paige meant.

Paige isn’t exactly forthcoming - they’re in the school locker room where anybody could overhear them - but Emily still demands answers. She turns her back as Paige gets dressed, tapping her foot anxiously against the tiled floor.

It takes some convincing, but Emily knows that Paige still has a weak spot for Emily, no matter how much she despises Alison. They talk about the Cavanaugh fire, Emily filled Paige in on the fact that someone had to have caused the gas leak that led to the explosion.

Deep down, Paige has always been a better person than her. She does what’s morally right, even if it means throwing her girlfriend under the bus. Emily hasn’t forgotten the way that Paige alerted the cops that Alison was still alive. But it’s that same moral compass that Emily relies on when she reminds Paige that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if something happens to Alison and she had the power to stop it.

Emily leaves the meeting with a mental list of names - all of the people that Alison hurt deeply enough that they’re willing to plot revenge against her with Mona.

~!~!~!~

The names run through her head on a constant cycle during her entire drive to Hanna’s. Alison needs to know who is trying to scare her into leaving Rosewood; it might not give them who A is, but it at least makes them more aware of the people that would go to extreme measures to run Ali straight out of town. And considering how much Alison preferred that option this afternoon, Emily knows that this news can’t wait.

She bangs on the door of Hanna’s house for a solid five minutes, but nobody answers. It’s unlocked - which she makes a note to remind Hanna that she shouldn’t just be allowing anyone to walk in, even if A manages to make it through locked doors too - and she heads upstairs to find her friends.

Only Hanna is in the bedroom, and considering how dark it was on the main level, she knows Alison isn’t down there.

From the second Hanna notices Emily’s presence, her demeanor changes. Emily has dealt with enough lies to know that Hanna is keeping something from her. Even more, she knows that it’s about Alison.

Either way, Hanna needs to know about the danger Ali is in with Mona’s squad. She seems distracted, as though what Emily is telling her is not of the highest priority, as if protecting Alison isn’t the most important thing for them to do right now.

Once Hanna admits that Alison went home, Emily figures that she’s better off going right to her and telling her face-to-face. Hanna tries to stop her, but it makes no sense. Considering how much she’s been avoiding one-on-one time with Alison, Emily doesn’t get why she’s not content with Emily going alone to break the news.

Her eyes catch a folded piece of paper on Hanna’s dresser and she swipes it, scanning the details before Hanna can stop her. A train, one-way, to New Jersey.

Hanna, the one that she always thought she was the closest to, is helping Alison escape behind all of their backs.

She hates fighting with her friends; they’ve all gone through so much that nobody else in this world can understand. The looks at school from outsiders mean nothing because they always have each other to relate to. Emily knows how hard it is to have someone’s death on your conscience the way Aria does. They know what it’s like to be kidnapped, locked in rooms and boxes, tortured, and injured. They’ve all experienced different things, but it all came down to one thing: figuring out who wants to hurt Ali and banding together to make it stop.

They leave things unresolved because Emily is not in the mindset to have an actual conversation with Hanna about what’s been going on with her since Alison returned to town. Never for a minute does she think that Hanna could be working against Ali, though she does have plenty of reason to. Alison never quite treated Hanna as one of the group; Hanna was always proving her worth in order to be included. But Emily knows, knows deep down beyond her gut, that Hanna would never betray Alison, no matter how hard it is having her back in her life.

She’ll just help Alison run away so that the problem is gone and she can move on with her life instead.

It makes Emily furious, knowing that Alison has been through more than any of them can even begin to imagine and that Hanna can still manage to be so damn selfish.

Thoughts of Hanna leave her mind as soon as she pulls up in front of Alison’s house. It looks dark from the outside, and Alison’s dad’s car isn’t in the driveway. Immediately, she thinks that Alison must have taken off already, skipping out even on Hanna’s help. She yanks the keys from the ignition and heads inside, not bothering to knock when she heads a loud thud from the pitch-black living room.

The next few minutes fly by in a swirl of adrenaline. A black hooded figure, Alison gasping for air and lying motionless on the floor, a book in her hands, being tossed into the table.

But then Alison is tucked into her arms, their hearts beating furiously for all the wrong reasons.

She’d stay there all night, Alison’s weight tangible against her limbs, making sure nothing else can happen to her.

~!~!~!~

The only good thing of the whole evening is that Alison agrees to not leave. It’s a temporary fix; Emily is sure that Ali is already replanning in her head when she’ll finally be able to get away. That thought alone makes her stomach twist uncomfortably, but when Alison sets her mind on something, there’s little that any of them can do to stop her.

Emily helps Alison into her car to head back to her house. She doesn’t blame Alison for not wanting to stay in that big house alone after tonight’s events, at least until her dad finally gets home from work. During the whole ride, Alison plays with her scarf as she looks at herself in the sun visor’s mirror, adjusting to cover most of the evidence of the purple bruises appearing on her pale skin.

“You can’t tell,” Emily assures her, though it’s not like she can see the front of Alison’s neck from where she’s sitting in the driver’s seat. They’re stopped at a traffic light and Alison’s eyes dart around at all of the other cars, like somehow something in this town will have a big painted arrow leading them to A.

“Your mom can’t know, Em. I mean it when I say we can’t tell anybody but the girls.” Her tone is stone cold sober, and Emily finds herself nodding against her better judgment as the light turns green.

It’s a small town and they’re pulling into her driveway moments later. Emily cuts the engine and waits for Alison to make the first move. Mrs. Fields is quickly getting used to all of the special circumstances that are occurring around Alison’s renewed presence in Emily’s life. Once Ali finally reaches for the door handle, Emily releases the breath she was holding, glad that she didn’t have to push Ali to leave the minor safety the car affords them.

Mrs. Fields hardly looks up from her computer as the girls pad through the living room. Emily tells her, rushed so as not to leave Ali standing in the hall alone for too long, that Ali is going to spend the night since her dad isn’t home again. Emily doesn’t mind the disapproving mumbles that her mother expends under her breath, seemingly at Mr. DiLaurentis’ horrible excuse for parenting.

As soon as they’re both inside Emily’s room, Alison snaps the lock into place and moves over to check the latches on the window. Emily doesn’t comment; if she had been attacked in her own home like Ali had been tonight, she would probably be doing the same exact thing.

She’s furious at Hanna for leaving Ali alone in the first place. It’s hard enough trying to protect Alison without involving their parents or the police, but it’s impossible if they’re not diligent. Alison could have been dead if she had stayed one more minute to argue with Hanna. One minute could have meant the difference of losing Ali for good.

Yet, Ali is here, alive as ever, standing in the middle of Emily’s bedroom. She fiddles with the scarf, running the fabric through her fingers with worry as she stares at the shadows that the streetlights make on Emily’s curtains.

The urge to reach out for her, to pull her into some alternate universe where they aren’t always looking over their shoulder, waiting for the inevitable attack is so strong that Emily forces herself to cross her arms over her chest, her fingernails digging into her biceps.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that you were leaving?” Emily asks. She can’t shake the sadness from her voice before the words spill out. They’ve known Alison has been alive for a while, but she’s still trying to stomach the fact that for two years, she was forcing herself to get over Alison. She’s not prepared to go through that mourning all over again.

“You were the hardest to leave last time,” Alison reminds her, turning away from the shadows. “It’s only getting harder to even contemplate leaving you behind again.”

She’s not used to this honest Alison. Sure, it only comes out in emotion-charged moments when they’re alone. It’s a life she wants to get used to, one where she can trust Alison and know that at the end of the day, Alison is going to show her true colors. And for once, it’s a side of Alison that she thinks she really wants to see.

“Have you ever thought about how disappearing in the middle of the night make me feel, Ali? Life isn’t easy. It hasn’t been easy for years. But don’t you think that you at least owe it to me to get to say goodbye this time?” She hates herself for how desperate she sounds. She hates that no matter how many times Alison deceives her, she still craves her.

Alison doesn’t answer, but she slowly untangles the scarf from around her neck and drops it onto the floor of Emily’s bedroom. Even from where she’s standing halfway across the room, Emily can see the deepening purple marks on Alison’s throat. It’s enough for her to taste bile in her mouth. Alison’s eyes follow hers, but they’re gentle and unchallenging.

Emily follows Alison’s fingers as they pop open the button to her blazer, watching as her shoulders shrug out of the sleeves. Her mouth goes dry when Alison reaches for the hem of her blouse.

This is not one of Alison’s games. Emily has learned to read Alison in ways she never imagined she’d be able to over the past few weeks. She can see the vulnerability in Ali’s eyes, as though she’s waiting for Emily to finally push her away, to throw her away like yesterday’s trash. If only Ali would realize that Emily is incapable of ever fully letting her go, if only she would understand that Emily would walk to the corners of the earth to find her if she ever disappeared again. 

It’s not until Ali is closing the distance between them that Emily realizes how dry her mouth has become. She tries to swallow the lump that sits in her throat, but it’s futile. Ali is close enough that she catches a whiff of Alison’s shampoo. She’s transported to afternoons at the lake, Ali flipping her hair in the breeze, catching the eyes of the high school boys as they would walk past.

Ali wasn’t hers then, not even remotely. She was on a pedestal, miles above the rest of them, and Emily could only hope that once in a while she was on the receiving end of one of Ali’s rare, genuine smiles.

Her eyes close and she sucks in a breath. Alison takes over all of her senses.

“Em,” Ali breathes out, so close that Emily can feel the warmth on her cheek from Ali’s exhale.

She forces her eyes open. That smile, the one she used to have to work so hard to earn is mere inches from her own face. It’s shy, only tugging at one corner of Alison’s lips.

“Hmm?” Emily mumbles, her heart jumping in her chest.

“Nothing.”

“Ali…”

A finger touches her lips, silencing her. She doesn’t know what she was going to say anyway. It’s a long moment before the finger is replaced with Ali’s lips. It’s not frantic, it’s not a moment stolen under blankets or in between quiet stacks of books.

It’s impossible to doubt this kiss.

Of course, her phone rings in her pocket and it’s enough to make Ali jump away, putting a respectable distance between them.

Spencer will be here in minutes, and Alison is reluctantly pulling her shirt back over her head, avoiding Emily’s eyes like she’s afraid to get caught up in them again.

~!~!~!~

It’s not easy to tell Spencer that her own sister is working with Mona, though it really shouldn’t come as a surprise. Melissa has always been tied into shady things with Jason and his buddies. Alison tries to reassure Spencer that her sister isn’t A, but it’s only half-hearted. 

Aria’s presence is a welcome distraction for the immediate awkwardness that settles into the room. Emily knows that Spencer is still processing it all, which lets her turn her attention to explaining the situation to Aria.

“How did this happen?” Aria questions, hugging Alison.

“It happened because she was alone,” Emily grumbles, unable to keep the venom out of her voice. “Hanna was supposed to be with her.”

Of course, Spencer and Aria want to know where Hanna is, considering she was supposed to be glued to Alison’s side tonight. It’s valid, but it just fuels Emily’s anger towards Hanna.

“I didn’t call her,” Emily says, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. Spencer eyes her curiously. “She was going to help Ali leave town tonight.”

Considering they had all agreed to protect Ali here in Rosewood, Aria and Spencer’s confusion is justified. Emily is just glad that at least they seem to be on the same page. But damn, she wishes she could understand what the hell is going on with Hanna lately that she thought it was just fine to help Ali behind their backs, sending her off into a world where there is nobody looking out for her. A has proven time and again that they’ll find Ali, no matter where she tries to hide.

However, Ali jumps on Hanna’s side.

“Don’t be pissed at her. What happened is just more proof that I should go.” The weight sinks in Emily’s stomach. “We are no closer to figuring out who A is.”

Aria pulls out a torn page from a sketchpad, telling the girls that Eddie Lamb dropped it off for Ezra. It’s all they’ve got to go on for now – some weak link between Mrs. DiLaurentis and the Bethany girl that popped up in Ali’s grave. They need someone back at Radley, working on how they could possibly be connected.

Ali’s phone goes off. Emily feels her muscles freeze with fear, tightening uncomfortably in her shoulders.

See how easy it is for me to kill you? If you leave Rosewood, I will. – A

Ali reads it aloud and the words yank at Emily’s insides. It’s hardly been two hours since Alison was lying on the floor of her living room, lucky that she wasn’t dead or seriously injured. Someone wanted her scared, but alive. They’re manipulating her every move, her every thought. It’s psychological warfare – the fear of being here, out in the open, the unknown of what’ll happen if she tries to run away for good.

“What’s worse than death?” Spencer asks, though they all know she’s not looking for an answer. Spencer was in Radley; she knows exactly how much A can mess people up without physically harming them.

~!~!~!~

“I never thanked you for what you did tonight,” Ali says quietly. Spencer and Aria left half an hour ago, leaving the two of them to fumble through whatever it is that’s going on between them.

Emily leans back against her headboard, leaving some space between herself and where Ali is sitting on the end of the bed.

“I didn’t do anything,” she tells Alison. They both know it’s not true, but really, she would have done it for any of her friends. A has made them all defenders, has made them all run on adrenaline in the face of fear.

“You risked your life for me, Em.”

There had been a long time where Emily assumed that Ali was too selfish to ever defend her the way that she has always been willing to do for Ali. But it’s been Ali saving her, pulling her from the barn, watching them all from a distance to make sure they’re okay. Ali would do it for her; there’s no reason why Emily wouldn’t put her own life out there to try and save Alison’s.

“Most people see danger and they run in the opposite direction as fast as they can.”

It’s been too long since that has even been an option for Emily, for any of them.

But the conversation is getting too deep. Alison is looking at her like she’s a saving grace, when she knows that she’s no better than some random person on the street. It wasn’t some act of true bravery. Most of it is a blur, hidden behind the pounding of the blood through her veins as she tried to get that shadowy figure away from both her and Alison.

“It’s getting late,” Emily tells her. It’s avoidance at its best, but she doesn’t know how else to handle this side of Ali. “Do you want me to take you home?”

She slides off the bed, though her eyes stay locked on Alison’s, willing them to understand why she’s trying so hard to keep her distance right now.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

It’s a line she’s heard so often lately. Ali could have gone home with Spencer or Aria, she could have asked to sleep at their houses. But she stayed here, with Emily. It’s everything that Emily doesn’t want to read into, but it’s hard to ignore that it’s not just about Alison not wanting to be alone. It’s also about Alison wanting to be near her.

“Can I stay here?” The lingering fear in Ali’s eyes is enough for Emily to know that she has no resolve. It’s not like she’ll be asking Ali to sleep on the couch either. “We’ll just sleep, I promise.”

She pulls the throw pillows off her bed. Ignoring the crack in Alison’s voice as she promises is completely impossible. If Hanna isn’t going to watch over her, someone does.

Alison immediately crawls up the bed and lies down, her back to Emily. Emily pulls the blankets over her tenderly, resisting the urge to kiss her forehead and remind her that it’s all going to turn out okay. It’s a useless reminder, an empty promise. College is only supposed to be a few months away, but escaping from this hell is never going to happen. Even if A disappeared tomorrow, none of them would ever rest easy, knowing that they could resurface at any time, destroying everything the girls love.

The night is a restless one. Ali falls asleep almost immediately, her breathing slow and even. Every time Emily closes her eyes, she’s met with images of the hooded figure, of Alison lying on the floor looking lifeless. It’s easier to stay awake, watching Alison sleep on her side of the bed.

In such a short time, Alison has integrated even the tiniest crevices of Emily’s life. There’s no escape from the hold she has over Emily’s every emotion. The realization isn’t menacing in the way A’s control over her life is. If anything, it’s sort of comforting to know that Alison is here, choosing to be with her day in and day out.

Morning finally comes with beams of sunlight and chirping birds. Alison seems well rested as she stretches to the sound of Emily’s phone alarm. Not that it was necessary; Emily didn’t get a minute of sleep all night. They take turns getting ready in the bathroom, and Alison scavenges through Emily’s closet for something she doesn’t mind being seen wearing in public. She’s already asked if they can swing by her house before school and Emily is sure it’s to change into something she deems more appropriate for the eyes of those in the halls at Rosewood High.

They brew a pot of coffee in the Fields’ kitchen, grabbing toast and an orange each as they scuffle out the door. Emily is perpetually early, and thankfully Alison seems to fall naturally into Emily’s routines.

When they pull up at Alison’s house, Alison insists on heading in alone, assuring Emily she’ll be fine and that it’ll only take her five minutes to grab her stuff. Emily agrees to wait in the car against her better judgment. It’s broad daylight – not like that has stopped A before – but Alison feels the need to have some sort of independence and Emily knows she needs to support that if she ever wants to have a night alone in her bed again.

Alison emerges eight minutes later – okay, so maybe Emily hasn’t completely worn off on Alison – and she thanks Emily for stopping by here before school. They’re running late now, and the last thing Emily wants to do is try to explain to her mom why she’s getting another tardy on her record.

Detective Tanner’s car creeps up the driveway behind them and suddenly a tardy seems like the least of her worries. It’s hard to not be weary of the police in this town, judging how things turned out with Garrett and Wilden, but there’s something about Tanner that makes Emily feel especially on edge.

It’s obviously from Tanner’s first utterance that things are starting to unravel. She’s helping the New York Police Department solve Shana’s murder. Anything involving Shana eventually is going to come back to them, especially where A is involved. It’s only a matter of time before Ali’s lies sink them all for good.

As soon as Tanner is back in her car, Alison’s phone goes off. There’s only one person it would be in a moment like this.

It’s time for the caged bird to sing. – A

There’s the reason that Ali wasn’t killed last night. Keeping Ali in town and forcing her to talk matters more to A’s agenda than getting rid of her for good.

They need to tighten up their story and fill in all of the gaps. Somehow, Tanner knows that they weren’t in Philly the night Shana was murdered. She’s trying to connect the dots, and if she does it’s going to lead her directly back to them.

Not for the first time, Emily wishes they could all just confess the hell they’ve been going through since Ali first disappeared. She wants to tell the cops everything, she wants to be free from all the secrets and lies, even if it means A will kill her. It’s exhausting and terrifying trying to keep all of this hidden from everybody but themselves. Emily is sure it’s killing her from inside.

But Alison’s eyes are full of fear at the implications of Tanner’s questions. Emily knows that she’ll never do it, that she’ll never betray Alison and tell the truth about what has been going on.

She’s a sucker when it comes to Alison, even if it means abandoning her own preservation. So she slides back into the driver’s seat and starts the engine, pretending like somehow this is all going to work out in the near future. Somehow, Emily knows that’s what Alison needs from her right now, and the only thing she’s ever been good at is being there for her friends when they need her the most. So she’ll keep Ali’s secrets, tucked in alongside her own, for as long as Ali needs her to. And knowing Ali, she’ll be taking them to the grave.


End file.
